|Welcome, To A WebSite About An "Other"
A Berdache's Odyssey
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This page will explore Human Gender issues, and include Human Sexual issues such as sexual identity that may differ from our apparent sexual packaging and public perceptions of those individuals.
I will also touch on homophobia, gender fallacies, social conditioning, gender bias and prejudices. I will refer to history and New Age Progress against paternally dominated religious myths and fallacies (and their dogma of perpetuation, proximate of social persecutions). These include control of women, by male dominated social control, in education and employment facilities and the media.
I am a labeled medically as an Intersexual and I am a "True Hermaphrodite" with a DNA chromosome karyotype of 46 XXXY (mosaic). In todays society many Transgendered or Transsexuals refer to themselves as "Intersexuals". But though their bodies may be physically altered, they are medically still biologically unchanged. These brave people undergo excruciating pain and lengthy treatments and expense to have their external bodies match their inner identity and spirits as women, or men. These pre-operative/post-operative sexually-altered individuals are often inaccurately perceived and described as hermaphrodites, or "he/shes" but they are not Intersexuals or Hermaphrodites.
There are many various "intersexuals" and that term denotes people born apparently in-between what are known as "normal" (average) sexes, within a physical sense. There are those who appear to be males but are medically (biologically) females, and others with female physical attributes that are medically/biologically males. There are also some whos external sex is indeterminant, as well as those of us having appearances of both, externally and having the DNA chromosome karyotypes of both sexes.
There will be links on these pages for those curious about this rare physical condition. Of the great deal "known" about some causes of intersexual births, much is still only conjecture of an anomaly. The Intersexual Society of North America, (ISNA) is a non-profit society or group made up of intersexuals and medical professionals deeply concerned with this subject, and with the present medical practice of surgically assigning a single sexual appearance to babies born intersexuals. This is done without the knowledge or consent or preference of the child, who is affected for life. In some cases it is done without the parents knowledge or consent. There is also a thumbnail history of myself later, on this page.
Although I have attributes of both physical sexual extremes labeled "male" or "female", I question, as do many others, that there are two sexes only. A number has been expressed maintaining that there are five sexes. Perhaps there are as many as 15% of all people in some degree in between "male and female" physically (intersexuals.) This is only physically, there are many millions more who are psychologically, or spiritually born into the wrong body. Even many more who are spiritually hermaphroditic whatever their sexual preferences or gender orientation.
Most people recognize we are both spiritual and physical beings. Does one attribute prevail over the other if they conflict? Religions whose doctrines state they are interested in the spirit or souls of others have traditionally closed their eyes to the souls or spirits true identity, concentrating on the physical identity (bodies) of the people. Fortunately this is slowly changing
This question arises which of us is the mutation, those like me or the single sexed? These "normals" engage in a continual gender war of contention, disparagement and abuse ( both physically and mentally. ) The normals experience a 54% divorce rate because people are gender brainwashed into being practically different species with little or no common understanding.
Throughout world history we (hermaphrodites) have existed. Perhaps we were more numerous before present medical practices. Many religions and tribes honored us as god-like clones, even Christianity having reasoned and stated in Genesis that God was of both sexes.
Many tribes labeled us "OTHERS", not either sex, and we were not socially genderized to behave in some pattern but used as judges with insight into other sexes. It was thought we had special powers of intercession with the God. The European "Berdache" was one of these "others" in history. This term was also used to describe the "Others" found in Native American cultures as well. However "nadleeh" is the most descriptive term.
Some adopted female attire and behavior patterns, while others functioned as males in society. Even in ancient Egypt where there was a female King or Pharaoh. Egyptian judges B.C. wore female attire, shaved their body hair, and were celibate, while in office, the rationale being they could judge with impartiality over all of the people. Robes of office still prevail today.
Genetics, medicine, and science recognizes our similar origin and common DNA. It is said only one SRY gene imposed on the common pre-birth gonads differs us sexually, otherwise all would be female. Genderized psychological programming and brainwashing however divides us from birth to death, placing all within either the blue or pink camp, and results in animosities of false expectations and perceptions of traditionalistic gender delusions.
This genderizing is , in my opinion, responsible for much injustice, hate and abuse. This gender programming has been a social tool utilized by institutions to repress women and men, by/with male dominated religious oversight that influenced "social approval" or conversely its "social sanctions" thus controlling human sexual expression. This is power indeed over a basic physical need, enslaving the female, by mens law to sexual expression for procreation purposes.
Womens' sexual rights are HUMAN RIGHTS "all of our rights" and the hard won gender issues will still be eroded unless all people are alert and active in Sexual Rights Issues.
Just an "other",,,,,
Copyright © 1997-1999 Berdache Jordan.
|I welcome your email. I am interested in helping others with abuse or gender issues. Please write me if you would like to discuss a problem or anything else. You can get an email address at www.hotmail.com which will keep your real identity private. And I will maintain confidentiality of any communications. Send correspondence, questions, comments (or additions to this page) to firstname.lastname@example.org|
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Description of Berdache
What Makes Us Different
Gender of Body,Mind,Identity
|Souls Self Help
Incest and Abuse
Genital Mutilation Survivors' Support Network
Society of North America
Hermaphrodites/ Defined/ Causes
|Mental Health Net
A rich,diverse site on mental health issues. Check out the excellent self-help book. Many abuse links.
|Personality Tests - Learn About your Attitudes Various links to online tests.|
|Hermaphrodite Fake Porn
Info and depictions.
Powerful poetry about abuse,rape and healing.
Aiding your gender congruity, with info and products. A very helpful, nice lady.
National Organization of Women, links to Womens Resources
|Gender Studies and
Abuse Recommended Books
A small bookstore of recommended books and descriptions. NEW
A wonderful paper on the Native American Perspective on Gender. NEW
Read and Recommended Reasonably Priced Books - click on the links for more info or to order.
Memoirs of a Nineteenth Century Hermaphrodite
A shorter but powerful memoir. Not much has changed since this book was written. Herculine's emotions are as my own. I highly recommend this truly unique book.
|Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of
This book blends clear, easy to read sections on the effects that child abuse may have had on you, and also includes some stories from other abused males in various steps of recovery. Abuse by both males and females are covered.
|Click Gender Studies and Abuse Recommended Books to see more recommended books. Many people have asked for recommendations which is why I have put these books up and have provided other books of interest here .|
A Thumbnail History of Myself
(A Freak Of Nature, Born At A Time Prior To DNA Testing)
The only term that was known as far as I was ever told, was that I was A Open Birth", meaning I had ambiguous genitalia, that I could not be identified by the people who examined me, as either a male or a female. These people were a Catholic Sister and a Veterinarian, both in a small western town dealing with a premature and abandoned miscarriage..
This was a condition ascribed to the youth and/or illness of my biological Mother at the time of my birth. In certain conversations "discussing me", I had overheard this on various occasions. I recall that I was stripped naked many times and exhibited to other adults. As a small child, I remember that I enjoyed this being the center of attention, and awe and speculation by adults, at age two to four years old.
The man I knew as Dad, was I believe related to me, but whether he was in fact my biological parent is unknown, his sibling and a younger sister are suspected, in a incestuous relationship. My genealogical research indicates that my genetic condition existed in the family who immigrated from Germany, where two of three " brothers" came to America, the youngest was listed as the "wife" of the older sibling on passports and ship manifests. German/Gypsy/Native American lineage I have reason to believe, carried my rare DNA karyotype, research is continuing at this time. I am one of several types of true hermaphrodites, the XXXY(mosaic) karyotype is extremely rare.
One theory of the cause of my own condition has a lot of support. It maintains that two ovum were produced simultaneously in my mother and the eggs fertilized independently as maternal twins. During gestation the eggs merge into a single fetus, one ova was destined as male the other as female.
My understanding is that sometimes both ova might well have been male XY or female XX in which case the child would have both distinctive DNA chromosome karyotypes, a XY/XY or a XX/XX (mosaic).
These people would appear perfectly male or female unless some medical situation required a chromosome karyotyping. That is an unusual procedure. How many are like this is unknown as few are tested. They like me would have two separate chromosome karyotypes, similar to Siamese Twins sharing one body to varying extents. It is also my understanding that present fertility drugs today may make this condition much more common. In my case, my karotype is XX/XY, hence I have characteristics of both male and female.
I was given a boys name and a separate girls name by my "Father" and his wife my "Mother", with two Birth Certificates. Neither was recorded at the time, but awaited a future decision. Eventually, I was "Recorded" later as a male, but called by an ambiguous nickname of a comic strip character, a child that no one knew what sex the child was ,which was fitting. (From Barney Google).
I can easily believe the incest accusation, with regard to my parents. I was left "as is" awaiting further development physically, and was sexually abused and physically and mentally abused by several members of my own family, from the age of four to sixteen years old. Then I was able to stop the most invasive abuse by choosing to be a male, at age fifteen, accomplished by taking massive doses of testosterone to effect secondary male sexual characteristics. ( Deeper voice, body and facial hair, that allowed me to pass as a male.)
If you refer to the sexual abuse links, you may get some idea of the traumas caused by this abuse. The intersexual condition caused me to be abused by both "normal" sexes. Something seemed to drive others to experience their sexual fantasies with me as the unwelcome recipient. Personally all I derived was pain, and frustrations and fears of failing to please those I was dependent on as a child, and the guilt feelings suffered when I learned what these acts were.
Not all of this life was bad, or sad, and many parts were humorous as I kept my own sense of humor, much of which was due to my masquerade as a macho male, as I perceived and played that role in many all male environments, ie: military, jails, and prison, never succumbing to a male/male relationship, due to inhibitions,and prior abuse by homophobic males.
Actually the only way I could even have a homosexual relationship would be to have sex with another like myself, (not likely), so homophobia is not an issue with me. In public, I have been in all respects a male heterosexual, and like many real males, feeling woefully inadequate for much of that time. I had several advantages as a partner: insight, companionship, and communication, and my own desire for lengthy foreplay. Although inadequate, I was married for eighteen years to two "normal" women.
However when I had revealed my condition, (to the extent, I was aware of it) they reacted first with disbelief for a few years, then rejection, as they had homophobic reactions, social concerns with "their being bisexual", worries about themselves being gay, both sought "normal" affairs while married, unable to accept me "as is", and mostly unable to deal or cope with their own sexuality .
Having raised three children alone through pre-teen and teenage years, (eleven years) I can appreciate the problems of single parenting. With two girls I discovered the bias and prejudices of a male dominated school system, with 90% of discretionary funds expended on male sports activities and resented and fought it on behalf of my daughters, and my son, feeling he too was being brain washed into aggressive sports, that get the funding, instead of applying his able mind for his future employment skills.
No one that knows me could fault me on my parenting skills, the idea a gay or lesbian, or gender dysphoric person is unfit as a parent for "normal" children" is ludicrous ! My own children never knew my intimate identity, until a local laboratory gossip leaked my DNA tests results. The two oldest have not changed and support me, however the youngest girl (15), was teased at school, and chose to go live in another state with my ex-wife. They are all heterosexual as far as I know, but perhaps they are more tolerant of others, having known, loved and respected me.
For those who want to know more about the strange disassociated life I led, and my own traumas, I can recommend a book, "Herculine Barbin, Memoirs of a French Hermaphrodite", introduced by Michel Foucault, a Pantheon Book, ISBN 0-394-73862-4. Herculine was raised as female, in convent surroundings. I too felt the trauma and the emotions expressed are as my own. It is sad that there has been so little difference in public tolerance, much has remained unchanged since 1838.
My own book "Masquerade", is being edited as I write this, perhaps it will make a "little" difference in public attitudes, and assist some lost soul who feels like a lonely outcast, as I did, perhaps to accept themselves better, and find out they're not "alone". They can find acceptance and be themselves, live a productive life, beyond a sick social preoccupation with pseudo-gender `differences', associated sex and hate crimes and stop the reactionary response habits to childhood traumas.
Can we heal the mindless wounds we and others have inflicted on us, for the crime of being different outside than we are inside, by divisive and false social conditioning? Are we not all the same ambi-gendered children of the universe, residing in some arbitrary physical form ? Who's agenda is furthered by dividing us ?
Copyright © 1997-1999 Berdache Jordan.
|Helix the Catastrophe|
|- By: Ron Blanton|
|On Megalactic winds we soared|
|sharing our subatomic strands|
|dancing in frenzied waves|
|unaware, shared potential.|
|Slowly coalescent forces|
|laid us down in layers|
|and we waited for time,|
|for energy to matter.|
|Today we are, we know|
|our past, our now.|
|We watch the chromosomal dance|
|as life forms anew.|
|Such small strands weigh|
|so heavily in our lives.|
|Delicate, fragile, intricate|
|all the time, under fire.|
|Magical yet predictable,|
|helixes writhe and wind|
|as its acidic content|
|sings its encore aurae.|
|In its echoes, embryonic|
|shapes arise to perform|
|lifes ballet of chemicals,|
|compound yet simple.|
|You are, we are progeny|
|of the universe and chaos.|
|And to it, to me, to us|
|we all matter.|